I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here

Confession time – I have three episodes of this to catch up with.  I’m been working my socks off this week doing 6am until 8pm every day apart from Monday so I haven’t had time for very much else.  There’s a bit of a let up in things today so here I am and I’m determined to catch up.  Let’s go…

We return to the jungle and Carol is sitting in the throne around the camp fire at 2.56am talking to a toad.  She seems to be sizing up the throne but I don’t think she’s going to be made camp leader.

The vote open for the bush tucker trial bake off.  I hate the eating challenges, they make me gag!

In camp the four celebs are getting ready for the first bush tucker trial.  Jordan says that he’s know Ant & Dec for years since Diversity won and it’s always been a positive experience but he says now when he sees Ant & Dec he knows it’s something horrible about to happen.  Scarlett, Jordan, Sam and Ola stand and listen to the bush tucker trial and how they have to go into a crypt with critters.  Scarlett starts to sob on the way in and the others all say that they’re terrified.  They have to lie in a tiny room for ten minutes and have the most critters in there that have ever been involved in a challenge.  Scarlett has lots more tears.  They all crawl in, lie on their backs and hold hands.  They all start singing Spice Girls Stop Right Now.  As the bugs and rats start coming in the singing soon stops!  There is a whole lot of screaming taking place meanwhile outside Ant & Dec can’t help but laugh.  Dec delights in telling them that there are over 120,000 critters in with them.  Through screaming and singing they do make it through the ten minutes.  Jordan takes his top off when they come out of the tomb and Ant & Dec comment as he walks away that he needs to work out 😉

Back at camp Carol is wearing a ‘swimsuit’.  Both my husband and I say ‘What the **** is she wearing’.  Carol, just no!  The boys go down to the creek and get in the freezing cold water and have a contest to hold their breath under water, Adam wins.

The girls are talking back at camp and they ask about Carol’s status and she says that she’s single and happy.

Adam tries to do ten squats with Larry on his back, my husband comments there’s no way just as Adam falls over and they both end up on the floor.  Larry, however does manage to do ten ‘squats’ (my hubby argues that he’s not doing proper squats!).  So far Larry is my favourite but I keep thinking he’s been on it before.  Who’s been on it that’s similar to him??

Ant & Dec reveal who has been elected camp leader.  Joel reads the notification in an Australian accent.  The celebs have to try and match the order in which they think the public voted.  Carol put herself second and that was wrong, he has to keep heading down and down the queue.  On the third attempt they get the order right.  Larry is president (as predicted) and Scarlett is second so she’s vice president.  They then have to go and give the campmates jobs.  The first chefs are Lisa and Jordan.  Cleaners are Adam and Joel.  Washer upers are Ola and Sam.  Maintenance crew are Carol and Wayne – Carol says that she trained as an engineer so that will come in useful for maintenance…hmm, I think irrelevant!  Larry told people that the cooks were given their jobs as they showed an interest in learning how to do the cooking.

So, at the end of show one of three Ant and Dec are now heading into camp to tell the celebs who’s doing the bush tucker trial.  It’s the Big Bush Bake Off and it’s Scarlett and Carol doing it.  My stomach churns at the thought…I need to brace myself for watching the next show.

Onto episode 3…it’s a 90 minutes episode – off we go.

Larry is teaching Wayne how to light the fire from cinders and Carol is giving Ola a massage (Ola is doing quite a lot of strange moaning).  Scarlett tells the camp that she once tried to e-mail Stephen Hawkins about her theory about time travel.  Ant ‘phones’ Stephen Hawkins – not one of their best gags…so over to the eating trial.

Tic Tac in and try not to heave…Scarlett says that she’s quite gaggy in general and Carol said that she promised her Mum she wouldn’t eat anything rude if she ever got the eating trial…oh dear.  Scarlett tells the boys that she eats doner meat and she doesn’t even know what that is.  Scary Berry brings out the first dishes.

Scarlet has chocolate nip cookies (camel udders), Carol has French macaroons (turkey testicles).  Scarlett has to eat two camel nipples which she does but she does gag a bit.  Carol has to eat two turkey testicles which are massive.  They’ve made it much harder this year but Carol eats them in record time.

Scary this time brings bread, Carol has to eat a sheep’s brain and Scarlett has to eat a fermented duck egg.  Carol bites into a brain and makes a face but she eats it, meanwhile Scarlett is gagging and saying it’s making her feel sick watching her eat it.  Scarlett has to eat the whole egg – Scarlett reveals that if they have poached eggs on toast at home they call it an Ant & Dec.  Ant and Dec are creasing up as Scarlett is telling Carol that it doesn’t taste like an egg while she gags and eats.

The next foods are pastries.  Scarlett has a Cornish nasty, containing a live beetle.  Carol has danus pastry – it’s an ostrich anus.  Scarlett has to hold the head and bite the body off, she does it and she walks about trying to eat it, she tells Carol it’s like a Smartie shell.  Carol now has to eat her anus and she has some trouble but she does it.  That is gross!

Cakes are next.  Scarlett has bumoffie pie – a cows anus.  Carol has sicktoria sponge which contains a piece of vomit fruit.  Carol has to eat a massive piece of the vomit fruit and has to do it in three separate bits so the torture lasts a while.  Scarlett has to put her anus in at once and her face shows how hard the thing is to chew but she eventually swallows it.

The last dish each.  Scarlett has sticky cocky pudding – it’s a bush buck’s penis.  Carol has dread and butter pudding containing live scorpions and she has to eat one live one.  Scarlett goes first and describes the penis as meaty lard.  Carol just has the scorpion to eat and then they have ten stars.  She picks a scorpion up and it bites her so she says that she’s not putting it in her mouth – can’t say that I blame her.  They go back to camp with nine stars.  The food they get in return is octopus and a load of fruit and veg that no ones ever heard of.  After doing the trials when they get a bag of unusual food it must be really frustrating.  Octopus would be an eating trial for me.

The stranded challenge is up next and Adam, Joel, Jorden and Wayne were chosen by the public.  This leaves Larry in the camp with his ‘harem’.  The boys get to a clearing and see a copter and they get in and they’re off.  Meanwhile the girls want Lisa to teach them how to catwalk.

The boys are dropped off and they set off into the wooded area until they find a box which contains maps.  They are told they are now stranded and must work in pairs to win dinner for tomorrow night.  Joel and Adam arrive at a little lodge, Adam only walks in the door and is shouting and screaming so I think it’s going to be a long night.  In the main camp they are told that have to receive the morse code words from the stranded campmates.  Joel is trying to get Adam to calm down.  Jordan and Wayne find a signal lamp and have to send a word to Joel and Adam, Joel and Adam then have to send the word to camp.

It’s not going well, the first team do a double flash for dashes and a single flash for dots, unfortunately this is interpreted the other end as dots and dashes in the wrong order.  The first team learn from their mistakes after the first word and do long and short flashes.  Adam is going mental with the bugs being dropped on him so Joel has to try and do the challenge by himself.  Adam sorts himself out for a few minutes before they drop some more bits in the lodge and Adam loses it again.  This time the lodge guesses the word correctly, Kangaroo, so they send it to the main camp and the main camp get the word right!  One out of three.  The next word is didgeridoo but Joel is on his own as Adam is going mad and screaming again.  Now that Adam has shown all of this fear I think he’ll be facing quite a lot more trials.  Jordan and Wayne can just hear screaming coming from the lodge and they are looking at each other with the most hilarious faces.  The main camp get the word right but have spelt it wrong.  The camp get the final word correct so they get four out of ten stars.  The boys then roll out their sleeping bags under the stars and have to go to sleep.

Larry is flossing his teeth in the jungle and chatting burble to himself before the boys come back to camp and find out that they have won four stars.  Adam looks like a broken man and gets a Larry hug to make things better.  Jordan is feeling a bit homesick and he has a little cry, even when he’s away on tour he’s used to being with his brother.  He goes to the dunny, has a little moment then pats himself and goes back to camp.  The dinner bag comes down and when Jordan realises it’s the whole body of a squab he starts to gag realising that it has a head and feet.  He said he’ll soon be Jordan Ramsey but he’s still learning at the moment.  Wayne gets up and eats the head – Jordan says that the draws the line at eating heads…a sensible line I feel!

Time for Ant and Dec to return to camp and announce who’s facing the great ascent.  After all the ‘it’s not you’ they finally reveal that it’s Joel facing the trial.  Joel has not shown much fear so far so I think he’ll do well.  Ant and Dec then announce that Danny Baker and Martin Roberts are about to join the jungle 10.

Third and final programme and I’m all caught up and can discuss popular culture with my family later!  By the way, happy birthday to my sister!

Larry starts the day off by doing some strange looking exercises, the girls are sitting on a log and massaging each other then Joel joins in and gets on the end of the massage train.  So far so good…until the campmates have a conversation about the best way to poo and the best position to sit in to ‘go’.

Joel then gets ready to face the trial, he goes a bit quiet and is supported as he leaves camp to do the first solo trial.  Joel manages to keep his trademark smile glued on while Ant tells his that he has ten minutes to climb 100 feet and set off the flares attached to the stars.  Joel is terrified of heights but he’s going to give it a go.  He sets off quite quickly, he has to put his hand in boxes to get keys to open another box to set off a flare.  As if the climbing isn’t hard enough the box of critters is an added hideous bonus.  Joel is shaking like a leaf but it’s hindering him being able to put the keys in the locks.  After three boxes the keys are no more and he just has to set off flares but he’s very high…For someone afraid of heights Joel is doing amazingly well.  Physically probably him or Jordan were the best to do it and he’s proving his physical capabilities.  I’m tense and nervous hoping that he gets the last two in time.  30 seconds to go and he just needs to set off two flares – come on Joel!  He gets the last flare as Ant and Dec call the last second.  Joel looks absolutely elated when he gets back down to solid ground and hugs the ‘random man’ who takes him off of his wire and hugs Ant and Dec.  Joel decides to reveal how many stars he got using maths so he gives them a long and convoluted equation to reveal the ten stars.

The campmates have been in camp discussing their flaws.  Scarlett says she worries too much, Wayne doesn’t like to go out of his comfort zone.  Ola says that she would love kids, Lisa says that she doesn’t want children anymore because she didn’t find someone at the right time, Scarlett would also like a little tribe of children one day.  They are actually a really nice bunch in there this time and are getting on very well so far.  No nasty people like Lady C – still can’t stand that horrible woman!  The things that you learn about the celebrities in the jungle and these situations are so much better than any interview you’ll ever watch.  Larry tells Adam about the long lost daughter that he had when he was 21.  He doesn’t know who she is or where she is.

Jordan and Ola go on the hunt for the dingo dollars and they have to play crazy golf.  They have to dress up in golf outfits.  They have to beat the par for the course of 26.  It starts off really badly but they do up their game when they restart the course and it starts to get better and they win the dingo dollars.  (Cut back to Ant and Dec and Ant talks about it being his 41st birthday – how the hell can he be 41??  That must mean I’m…never mind!)

Kiosk Keith phones the camp and asks what percentage of 25 to 34 year olds admitted they can’t boil and egg – 33% or 24%.  They go for 33% (I would agree with that).  It’s correct and they get the cheese and crackers.  Kiosk Keith is still a legend!  It’s the tiniest portion of cheese you can imagine but the camp are loving it.

Into the final quarter of the final programme now.  Dinner last night was crocodile tail – where do they get this stuff from?!  Jordan says that the crocodile tail was like pork chops – he says he’s now become Jordan Ramsay.

It’s time for Martin Roberts and Danny Baker to join the jungle.  Bet Dave Gorman is watching now that Martin Roberts is going in there!

Ant and Dec go and see the campmates to deliver the news about the new campmates.  Martin comes in followed by Danny Baker – they find out they’re going head to head in a trial.  They get to pick a teammate.  Danny picks Carol and Martin picks Sam.  They have to face the ‘rank tanks’ challenge.

Right, hooray, I’m all caught up – I’ll try and stay current!  See you next time as it’s time for me to get up, change the bed, put the washing on, go for blood tests and then do some more work but I’ll try and do a bit more watching later – I still have loads to catch up on!

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